PHOTOGRAPHY // SOMEONE ELSE
23:44
Five months later, here I am. Picture that person who walks into a room of people and awkwardly waves. That's how I feel having returned to my blog. My first creative venture. A lot of my followers on social media and people I've met in the last few 3 or 4 years know me because of this little space on the internet. They know me as the writer, the blogger, the girl who has interviewed a lot of interesting people in Limerick city. I don't necessarily dislike that label at all, in fact I'm flattered. It's just, at this present moment it's not the label, or rather the person I am right now. I hate that I'm not as active as I once was on my blog. In the past I've cited poor mental health, college or other various things as the reasons why I haven't sat down to write. In the last year and a half I've learned a few things about me that have enabled me to worry less about being so constant in my posting.
I am a singular minded person. Meaning that I tend to focus on one thing at a time, be this academically or creatively. This isn't necessarily a bad thing at all. My main reason for not writing is because I've found myself enchanted by another creative world in recent times. I've found myself more and more engaged in the world of photography. First it was just photos to accompany the words I wrote for each post. I liked documenting my emotions and my experiences through word. 2018, as a lot of you know, was a very tough year for me. I won't get into the nitty gritty of it but I spent a lot of time feeling absolutely miserable, I can't recall how many times I cried until my head hurt. I tried and failed many times to put it into words how I was feeling.
There were very few things I found solace in. However one of those things, I discovered, was photography. At first, I just posted photos of my day to day life on Instagram, photographed on my phone. Snow covering the ground, sunsets and little details that caught my attention. Red berries, how they contrasted with the green leaves surrounding it. Then I started using my little DSLR camera more and more. I began reading about techniques and testing out different ideas. The people I've lived with were used to the sound of my camera timer beeping or asking them to pose for me while I took multiple not-so-good photos to try and improve.
I started discovering photographers that worked on series, sequences of images all with a recurring theme or story to explore. To name a few; Petra Collins, Sarah Bahbah, Emmina Saccone. All of these are women believe it or not. I began to think about exploring a feeling or an emotional story through image. So I began trying to create some of my own. I cried when I put out my first photo series 'Where does the love go?' because it was such a personal thing for me. I put my heart and soul into creating my series 'Athrá (Repetition). This time last year if you'd peeked in to my room you would have seen me sitting on the floor in my bedroom in Briarfield covered in petals, standing in front of coloured lights. Testing poses, images and shadows. Of course, it wasn't perfect. Nothing I ever create is. I refused to call myself a photographer in the beginning because I thought I wasn't good enough. But I've realized that ANYONE can be a photographer. I love looking on people's Instagram accounts, be they someone who posts photos of their dog to someone who really knows their craft. It's a little snapshot into someone's world, an insight into how they view what's around them and I think that is so fascinating.
I've always been a visual person. I'm one of those people who can't watch a film without analysing how the cinematographers set up shots, replaying my favourite scenes over and over just because I liked the colours used in that one scene. I don't claim to be an expert of any kind. In fact, I'm average. But, having something to work on and improve on is a motivator. I do see improvements in the photos I take all the time. People I talk to about photography don't realise that I memorize every little tip or constructive criticism I get and try my best to weave it into my work. If I could pin a label on my work, (is it possible really to put a definitive label on any aspect of yourself, who knows?) the best word I can come up with is experimental. I like to try everything. I think you could call my own life, 'one big experiment.'
Now when I listen to music, I imagine visuals in my head of what I would photograph to express what the words make me feel. It's a beautiful daydream world to live in. As I wrote this I was listening to a playlist of mine that I've titled 'Wavy sounds.' I'm listening to 'Someone Else,' by a musician called Tourist. I used to think of the words I would use and write pages and pages to capture how the sounds made me feel. But now, I find myself thinking in colours, in gestures, in different shades of light and shadow. When I listen to the GLORIOUS synthy instrumental in the middle of 'Die Young' by Sylvan Esso, I imagine visuals of warm embraces, golden light, soft smiles and messy hair. The human mind is the best camera if you really think about it. How many images do we have in our minds at any given moment? I've tried to explore these images, these thoughts and feelings through word and now I have turned to photography to make sense of it all.
Exploring this part of me has been truly amazing. If you scroll back on my Instagram you'll see the quality of my work wasn't so good. But whenever I cringe at that work I try to tell myself that I was merely just testing the waters and I continue to do so. I like looking back because I usually can remember how I was feeling when I took or posted a certain image. I love capturing a moment, a feeling so that I have it preserved forever. I guess it's that collector in me. I collect brochures from all the exhibitions I go to, I write down the experiences that have shaped me and I capture the world around me in as many ways as possible. I really hope I don't sound pretentious or cheesy. Maybe I am, who knows? But please don't beat yourself up if there is something you keep meaning to come back to, but something else has your attention. If there's something that excites you, focus on that. Don't try and force anything. Let it all flow as naturally as you can, I promise you'll feel a lot better about it all.
I have no idea where this venture into photography will take me. I don't know if I will ever fully return to the world of writing and blogging. Maybe I will scrap photography next year and try something entirely different? Who knows. Either way, I'm fairly glad that the people around me have allowed and welcomed this new venture of mine.
If you want to see what I'm doing in the near future, your best bet is finding me on Instagram. Until next time,
Eilís
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